Hello, Adoring Fans! It’s Steph here once again for another evening of live blogging. It’s Oscar night, and a tradition at the Warehouse to watch the pageant of contemporary popular culture and eat round candy. Last year we added a blogging element to the festivities. A few weeks ago I was joined by several friends in live blogging the Golden Globe awards. Our cast of commentators has returned this evening and expanded to include one more. Joining me tonight we have Bingo, Smokes, niqui, Bitsy, and Princess.
The six of us will be adding our thoughts, comments, retractions and unfounded speculations to the spectacle that is the 82nd annual Academy Awards ceremony presented by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences at the Kodak Theater. Red carpet coverage begins at 6:00 pm CST. Hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin open the show at 7:30. Join us.
The Barbara Walters Special preceding the Oscars includes interviews with Sandra Bullock and Mo’Nique. Walters has announced that this year’s special will be the last one. She’s done the interview for 29 years.
17:55 : Steph: Red Carpet coverage courtest of Ryan Seacrest and the E! Entertainment Network.
Bingo: WABC vs. Cablevision. No cable coverage in New York area. 3.1 million people with no Oscars.
niqui: Not true! They’re broadcasting it on the air. If those people were smart like me and dumped their cable, they’d already have HD antennas and this would be a non-problem. New Yawkers have the AP stream and the OTA broadcast. I won’t cry crocodile tears about cable fucking over consumers.
17:59 : Princess: I love the look on Jesse James‘ face at these things.
Steph: Yeah, he looks like he’s trying not to punch someone. Or give them a tattoo. But. Ugh. Faith Hill looks like she’s a madame in an old west saloon or a house of ill repute.
18:05 : Steph: Wow, Amanda Seyfried is talking to Ryan Seacrest about how she just quit Big Love. She’s doing a gothic Red Riding Hood retell and about it, she says, “Well, it’s just great to do a role where the character is so unlike me and is going through stuff that is so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.” I totally get that, but does that mean her character’s life in Big Love was really familiar to her?
Princess: Well, it is true. Not many folks have had their houses blown down by the Big Bad Wolf.
18:09 : Bingo: Jay Manuel has decided that being verbally nauseating is not sufficient nausea to inflict upon the audience. He’s applied his singularly nauseating style to hair, jacket and makeup too! We’re so lucky to have him.
18:12 : niqui: Meanwhile, Mo’Nique is educating Baba on what open marriages are. And now she’s talking about not shaving her legs.
18:29 : niqui: Elizabeth Taylor, in her interview with Barbara Walters, announces that she wants her headstone to say: Elizabeth Taylor. She Hated Being Called Liz.
18:31 : Steph: Meryl Streep is dressed like a 3-is-the-lucky-number bride.
Smokes: I think Jay Manuel misspoke. What he meant to say was not about the inappropriateness of his statement but rather, “I can’t say what I said off camera — because I don’t remember!”
18:43 : Bingo: I really do not understand the yellow fashion arrow. Is this supposed to make things clearer to us watching in some way? Because I just find it wildly distracting. I can only speculate that the cost of the Glam Cam 360 was too prohibitive and the idea of drawing black circles with a Sharpie too litigious. So yellow pointy arrow won? Maybe John Madden donated it?
18:46 : Steph: Wow, when in the world will movies about humans procreating go out of style? It’s such a fun topic! I mean, only 6.7 billion people have done it. It’s a STORY THAT NEEDS TO BE TOLD!
Bitsy: Never Steph, never. Women procreating is the greatest story ever told you know.
niqui: But Steph — doing it doesn’t mean they did it right. If they didn’t have sweeping swells of emotional music, or anyone running into anyone else’s arms … they obviously screwed it up.
Steph: Yeah, pregnancy lacking zaniness, I guess.
Bitsy: EARTH NEEDS MOAR PEEPLES!
Bingo: Actually, Steph. Only 3.35 billion are even capable of doing it. — Okay, 3.35 billion, plus Giuliana Rancic as token Oompa-loompa.
Bitsy: Good thing people are still working on it and we are celebrating it.
19:05 : Steph: George Clooney‘s girlfriend looks totally bored. But, that’s pretty Italian of her — they all look bored, unless they are on a Vespa.
19:06 : Smokes: Speaking of Clooney, the tagline of Up In the Air should have been “People lie and are assholes. You should have known better.”
19:15 : On Sarah Jessica Parker on the red carpet:
Bitsy: I like her hair and makeup but that dress — just not loving it.
niqui: She’s too monochromatic. The fake tan is the same shade as her Garnier.
19:30 : Bingo: Curtains up and all the nominees for Best Actor and Best Actress in a leading role enter the stage.
Steph: Gitter! Linked arms! Self-importance! It’s the Oscars!
Princess: They will be sacrificed one at a time.
19:34 : Smokes: I gotta say … Neil Patrick Harris FTW!
niqui: I want one of those feather fan things. I will hold it and pet it and name it “George.” I love Neil Patrick Harris so much.
Princess: In my world, he is straight and loves me.
19:40 : Bingo: The opening bit is a bit uneven. Some of these jokes are very funny. Others not so much. It’s like they’re clashing on the timing.
Princess: Yeah it feels very uneven.
Smokes: Actually, I’m really bummed about how the delivery is going off. Did they even run through this? I do have to give a high five for Steve Martin working a The Nerd reference into Precious.
Princess: That’s The Jerk, ya jerk.
19:48 : Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Christopher Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Princess: He did such a great job in that role, I’m glad he won.
Smokes: What the hell has Tarantino been eating for the last 5 years? … because he should stop.
Bingo: Superheroes. Where do you think he got that chin?
19:54 : Steph: Okay. This is how that Ryan Reynolds introduction should have gone: “It’s a story about …” What is this on me? It’s weird. No No. Go on. You’re Ryan Reynolds. You can do this shit. “It’s a story about a woman who finds a … ” Oh Jesus God, is it a parasite? A rash? What could this be!? It feels like my chest is constricting.. “.. who finds a young man walking down the the street and finds … HOLY SHIT. I gotta get out of this!” And then he tears off his shirt! Riiiiip! That’s how that Ryan Reynolds introduction should have gone.
19:58 : Best Animated Feature Film: Up
niqui: Oh, I don’t think Coraline is going to win. I was just squeeing at Coraline being “interviewed.” It should win on account of its awesomeness, but Pixar pretty much has a lifetime win, so.
Steph: Poor Gaiman. I wish he’d been in another non-Pixar year. Those exist, right?
20:04 : Best Original Song: “The Weary Kind”, Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett (Crazy Heart)
Smokes: Just how many Mousketeers is Miley Ray Cyrus contracted to hide under her gown, anyways?
Steph: I’m thankful that it seems like they aren’t going to extend the broadcast by doing long production numbers for original song.
niqui: This is another category where we all voted for the same nominee, isn’t it?
Steph: I’d like to thank Sean. And, of course, The Field Museum — without natural history, I couldn’t do any of this. And peregrine falcons. Fly my birds, FLY!
20:10 : Smokes: So far, I have to say I’m really bummed that the Alec Baldwin, Steve Martin combo isn’t working out.
Steph: Yeah, Sean called that one.
niqui: I called the Steve Martin + Alec Baldwin trainwreck too! Don’t shortchange me on pessimism credit
Steph: Neil Patrick Harris should probably host all of these shin-digs.
20:15 : Best Original Screenplay: The Hurt Locker
20:18 : Bingo: Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick introduce a compelling tribute to John Hughes. And as much as I want to play to Generation X stereotype and be cynical and surly, I can’t. This is John Hughes. These are the movies of my adolescence. “Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Princess: His movies are why we are better than kids today.
niqui: It was a good tribute. Macaulay Culkin especially.
Smokes: The Twilight kids were NOT pleased with that.
Princess: Fuck them. Fuck them in their glittery asses.
20:31 : Best Animated Short: Logorama
20:33 : Best Documentary Short: Music by Prudence
20:35 : Best Live Action Short: The New Tenants
Smokes: Short Films are Short. There. Yeah. I said it. But introductions to Short Films are not.
Princess: And thus begins the fast decline for my picks.
Bingo: Eh. You’re only down one on Smokes. It’s not bad.
Smokes: Don’t sugarcoat it for me, man.
Bingo: This is so like playing poker with Smokes. I’m not afraid. The night is still young. It’s alright. He’ll get drunk and dump all his picks to me.
20:38 : Best Makeup: Star Trek
niqui: James Cameron does not appreciate Ben Stiller dissing his magnum opus.
Steph: I just can’t get how Prudence beats out a whole province of China? If it weren’t for that, I’d be fine in points.
20:48 : Best Adapted Screenplay: Precious
Smokes: Hey. So. Uh. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are still hosting this, right? I haven’t seen them in about an hour or so. I voted for Up in the Air because I thought it was going to win. Not because I thought it should be the winner.
niqui: Steve is back! Maybe he pushed Alec off a balcony.
20:54 : Bingo : Okay people. We need more funny. C’mon. It’s Robin Williams. This is a puffball! Knock it outta here. You’re not gonna get an easier pitch!
niqui: I know. This show isn’t giving us much to work with, though!
Smokes: Oh look. Here’s Robin Williams to repeat jokes he heard last week.
Bingo: That’s the spirit!
20:59 : Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Mo’Nique (Precious)
Bingo: Okay. I erred. This was not the moment to call for cynicism. This is the right award for the right performance for the right film.
niqui: She actually looked really uncomfortable, I thought, while they were playing that clip. It’s almost as though she didn’t think that that character was a good role model.
21:07 : Best Art Direction: Avatar
21:09 : Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria
Steph: Wow, nice speech! “I already have two of these…”
Princess: Someone should have run up and ripped it out of her stupid hat wearin’ hands.
Smokes: Why is Diablo Cody accepting the award?
21:18 : Tribute to Horror Films
niqui: I wanna see an Army of Darkness clip in this montage, or I am turning this awards ceremony around and we are going home.
Bingo: Young Frankenstein should be in here, but I’m pleased to see The Shining and Carrie so prominently featured. Oh, and someone should get Kristen Stewart a sammich.
21:25 : Best Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker
21:26 : Best Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker
niqui: It’s good though. I honestly think that if Transformers had, by some freakish fate, won that one, Roger Ebert‘s head would have exploded.
21:36 : Best Cinematography: Avatar
niqui: Let’s go back to that Mauro Fiore quote a moment. He is thanking, “the visionary James Cameron for an amazing vision.” Well, yes, visionaries usually do have visions. But he thanked all of us for our awesomeness, and apologized personally to certain residents in the South Loop for the stupid movie he just won a stupid award for. Every time Avatar wins an award, my cat bites my foot. Guys, I’m going to lose a toe if that flick takes more statues home.
21:40 : In Memorium Tribute
niqui: I will always love Larry Gelbart for being active in alt.tv.mash and responding to people’s questions more than twenty years after the show went off the air. He was always really friendly and classy.
21:52 : Best Original Score: Up
Bingo: Look! It’s “Dancing with the Scores”! — Ha ha ha. I crack myself up. I really do.
Princess: I laughed very hard Sean.
Smokes: I think our feed just flipped over to netflix “FAME: The TV Series.”
niqui: Dude. All this jumping — are these dancers made out of Tigger?
21:54 : Best Visual Effects: Avatar
Bingo: Avatar is film about learning to see the world in new ways: Like three dimensions.
niqui: Avatar is a film about learning to see the world in new ways: For example, taking the film Pocahontas and painting it blue.
Princess: Avatar is a film about learning to see the world in new ways: Like World of Warcraft.
22:02 : Best Documentary Feature: The Cove
Bingo: They chose 30 seconds of the most benign footage they could find for The Cove. And I’m in tears over it. It’s the purpose of art to evoke emotion and I applaud the Academy’s difficult choice here.
22:07 : Best Film Editing: The Hurt Locker
22:15 : Best Live Foreign Language Film: El Secreto de Sus Ojos (Argentina)
Smokes: Tarantino gets to show off that he’s crazy!
Bingo: He does that through his unique skill of … opening his mouth and saying words.
niqui: I really thought The White Ribbon was going to get it. I, like, actually looked at the options on that one.
22:32 : Best Actor in a Leading Role: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Smokes: Michelle Pfeiffer‘s first line in The Fabulous Baker Boys is “Shit!”
Bingo: Tribute speeches? We’ve redesigned the Oscar awards to now include tribute speeches? This raises the level of narcissism higher than I thought possible for this group. I mean seriously. Tribute speeches?
Bitsy: Christ! Is this gonna be like 20 minutes of speeches to hand out this damn award? We’ll be here until midnight.
niqui: I have to just sit and watch Jeff Bridges. There are no remarks we could make here than would be better than the speech itself.
22:48 : Best Actress in a Leading Role: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Bingo: More tribute speeches. This time with my bestest frenemy, Forest Whitaker. Could this night get any better? Seriously. I’m asking. Could it get any better? — Please? I like the idea of these tribute speeches. I don’t like the execution of them. And I’m not entirely sure why that is. It’s a fine sentiment. It just seems to play so falsely. And it’s not really meant that way.
Bitsy: Hey, I think this is a hell of an accomplishment for Sandra Bullock. Awful long way to come for a girl in her first movie.
niqui: Sandy’s speech is a total win, though.
Princess: True enough on all counts.
10:56 : Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker)
10:58 : Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
niqui: I’m happy for The Hurt Locker. I was really pulling for it and only didn’t pick it because of that producer thing. But I would have kind of liked to have seen Precious get it.
Smokes: I knew that Avatar wasn’t it.
Princess: Totally, I have seen both and I would say Precious is better all around but The Hurt Locker was good too.
Bingo : So Smokes won the pool with 16 correct picks. Steph and Princess each had 15. I had 14. niqui had 9. My prediction about Smokes dumping his picks to me didn’t pay out. But that’s alright. And why, John?
Smokes : Because Up in the Air is still a crap flick!
Steph: Good night, guys!