The five of us will be adding our insights into the thrills of victory and the agony of defeat wrought by those hard-hearted journalists of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Red carpet coverage begins at 6:00 pm CST. Ricky Gervais opens the awards at 7:00. Join us.
17:42 : Steph: Just flipped over to E! ENTERTAINMENT NETWORK!!![!!] Watching the Ryan Seacrest/Giuliana Rancic coverage of the red carpet arrivals. Right in time to meet Mickey Rourke’s date – a blonde, statuesque, eastern European call girl. He says they are in love.
17:47 : Bingo: It always amuses me how eager Ryan Seacrest is to flip into a very poor British accent whenever he struggles through an interview with someone actually from the British Empire. Georgia represent!
17:54 : Bingo: I wanted to go back and mention the technological marvel that is the Glam Cam 360, hard hard at work at the Golden Globes. As if the typical paparazzi were unable to present enough suitable photographs, now E! has constructed a stage that will shoot someone in stunning 360 degree detail. It’s a firehose of fame and humiliation in the round! The nauseating Jay Manuel is a perfect spokesman for this technological terror.
17:55 : Steph: Ryan just asked Fergie and Josh Duhamel what prompted them to renew their vows. Fergie did not say, “We thought it would take the stripper stink off Josh, who is committed to this relationship, RIGHT JOSH?!”
18:06 : Bingo: We’ve switched to the “official” NBC coverage just in time to see some personal assistant dump a whole bunch of water on Billy Bush. With the weather, and all the pregnant actresses I’d like to nominate the Mamas and the Papas “California dreamin'” as the themesong for tonight. Never one to be outdone by the weather Jeff Bridges earns his Urban Explorer merit badge with that 10-foot umbrella.18:27 : Steph: Looks like green is the color of choice for dresses this year. It’s been out there a couple times and it looks really beautiful. However, Mariah Carey‘s front looks like a Ricardo Montalbán‘s infamous breast plate from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. Completely fake!
18:44 : Bingo: Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts tag-team NBC. Hanks combines the topical complaint about the rain with NBC’s decisions to scramble their late night talkshow lineup. “We got the rain information from another network. NBC said it was going to rain at 10:00 but they moved it to 11:30.” Roberts just goes for toilet humor.
18:47 : Smokes: When did they clone Barbara Streisand so that Toby McGuire could marry it? I liked Billy Bush calling Penelope Cruz the culmination of Jeffrey Katzenberg‘s work. Like she was grown in a tube or something.
19:02 : Bingo: Ricky Gervais takes the stage to begin the broadcast and opens with a well-executed roast of Steve Carell. His sendup includes a reference to conspicuous product placement in-program as he holds up a box set of the original Office. “Quality, not quantity. That’s what counts.”
Smokes: Awesome Angelina Jolie “Mommy” reference. The NBC jokes are NOT going to stop tonight.
19:07 : Best Actress In A Supporting Role (Film): Mo’nique (Precious)
Steph: Ahhhh, this is nice. I can’t even be cynical.
Smokes: Move Along Mo’nique. It’s just a Golden Globe.
Bitsy: I still love Kathy Griffins speech “The last person who had anything to do with me winning an award was Jesus. Suck it, Jesus! This award is now my God!”
Smokes: Is she celebrating the award with me? I’ve been touched!
19:11 : Best Actress In A TV Series (Comedy/Musical): Toni Collette (United States Of Tara)
Steph: Yay! She deserves this.
Smokes: I hopes she splits personalities in her speech.
19:18 : Best Actor in a Supporting Role (TV): John Lithgow (Dexter)
19:20 : niqui: Paul McCartney, “Or as most of you know, that guy from Rock Band.” Time for a potty break.
Smokes: Why is Mike Tyson there? Oh yeah. The Hangover.
niqui: Neil Gaiman just announced he got engaged! Coraline totally should have won. What is the message in Up? Don’t give up hope, or some annoying Boy Scout will come cling on your house when it improbably takes flight?
Smokes: Unless the cartoon characters get to accept the awards, I don’t care.
19:28 : Smokes: I love the sheet that Kate Hudson folded into a dress. And for the record, it will be a cold day in hell before I sit thru Nine. You may take my gay card away now.
Steph: At least Gervais knows that he’s doomed.
Bingo: obviously there is some flaw in the glittery design in Felicity Huffman‘s dress that is interfering with here newly-minted ability to read words.
Smokes: Who knew that Felicity Huffman sucks a public speaking? Oh wait, EVERYONE! You only need to get 60% of the words right, and you’re beating her!
19:34 : Best Performance by an Actor In A TV Series (Drama): Michael C.Hall (Dexter)
19:35 : Best Performance by an Actress In A TV Series (Drama): Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Smokes: I liked Julianna Margulies’ dress when she wore it on Deep Space Nine. I think Juliana is wearing the dress backwards.
Bitsy: Shes gorgeous, but that dress is a little wierd.
niqui: If the dress were backwards, people would not be looking at her face so much.
Steph: Maybe she has some sort of shoulder injury and she’s using the fabric as a brace/tourniquet?
Smokes: Ahh yes, the therapeutic gown.
niqui: I’ve had a little crush on Julianna Margulies since, like, 1994, though. So. Hm. Who do you think I could talk to to get her and Felicity Huffman over to my apartment to celebrate? I promise to get the piles of dirty laundry off the floor before they get here.
19:43 : Bingo: We’re not even an hour into the program and the pre-party exhuberance is evident in the blush in Harrison Ford‘s face, to say nothing about the slowed– err, slurred, err. Well, just listen to him! He’s posterboy for a Dropkick Murphys song.
Smokes: I want him to fall over! Dear God, I will be a good boy all year if you just please let Harrison Ford pass out on stage. KTHXBAI!
19:46 : Best Original Song (Film): “The Weary Kind (Theme From Crazy Heart)” (Crazy Heart)
19:47 : Bitsy: I love the fact everyone else comes to these things in somewhat classy, understated looks and Cher shows up in her normal Bob Mackie wackadoo stuff.
niqui: That is because Cher is the crazy old lady I’ve always wanted to grow up to be, except she’s been that crazy old lady since, like, 16.
19:48 : Best Original Score (Film) : Michael Giacchino (Up)
niqui: I’m starting to feel some Oscar resentment and we’re not even halfway through the Golden Globes.
19:49 : Steph: Did you guys just see down in the corner there in the pull-out? It looked like Anna Paquin was kind of getting a little sick. Just sort of wobbly and people were patting her shoulder. On further review of the play from the booth the call is overturned. Minor wardrobe malfunction. Penalty is declined.
niqui: I didn’t see Anna Paquin. I did see Colin Farrell chomping bubble gum, though, and Pierce Brosnan making a “God, I know, but what can you do, the man’s a lunatic” face behind him.
19:54 : Best Mini-Series Or Made for TV Movie : Grey Gardens (HBO)
Bitsy: Grey Gardens was the first thing where Drew Barrymore did not play the angry sullen outcast dork from high school type role. She has spent the last 10 years playing a riot grrl.
20:00 : Best Actress in a Motion Picture (Comedy/Musical) : Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)
20:11 : Best Actor in a Mini-Series or Made for TV Movie : Kevin Bacon (Taking Chance)
Bingo: I was wrong about Mariah Carey. She’s a trendsetter. The fashionable way to approach award shows in 2010 is to do so in a staggering, slurry, sloppy air of mild pathos. Harrison Ford, Meryl Streep and now Kevin Bacon have all looked longingly and lovingly into their deep, deep cups. That’s the secret here. If you’re drunk, the producers let you ramble and ramble. You get more screen time. It’s good copy. If you’re sober, they play you off. I think it’s the Golden Globes little nod to the importance of “reality television.”
20:15 : Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Made for TV Movie : Drew Barrymore (Grey Gardens)
Smokes: Morgan Freeman is wandering around trying to bum Kool’s from the other tables.
20:22 : niqui: Cameron, never put the image of Meryl Streep sleeping with Alec Baldwin in my head again. It’s going to take the rest of this Scotch to get rid of it.
20:23 : Best Screenplay (Film) : Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner (Up In the Air)
niqui: Quentin Tarantino, you’d think, really, would start looking less weird at some point sooner or later. But no. No, he keeps looking like that weird guy from high school. He is turning into one of his characters.
20:27 : Best Actor In A TV Series (Comedy/Musical) : Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)20:33 : Bingo : Standing ovations, harsh chastisements from Samuel L. Jackson, soft string interlude. And pink sunglasses. No one epitomises the Hollywood Foreign Press’ fascination with Hollywood than Sophia Loren. Where is Ludivine Sagnier when you really need her?
20:36 : Best Foreign Language Film : The White Ribbon (Germany)
20:38 : Best Television Series (Drama) : Mad Men (AMC)
Bingo: Finally an award I can support. Mad Men is the best television series currently in production. Story, character, pacing, look, style, relevence. I am glad to see it recognized as such. Of course they, like the White Ribbon producers before them, were played off by the music for the sin of being sober. Ironic given the amount of alcohol consumed by nearly all the characters of the series.
20:47 : Best Actress in a Supporting Role (TV): Chloë Sevigny (Big Love)
niqui: What the hell is that, a package of mauve tissue paper?
Smokes: I wonder if her dress is flammable. I hope we get to find out.
20:50 : Best Actor In A Supporting Role (Film): Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Smokes: Warning! Suckfest of award acceptance speech underway.
Steph: The planets. And the stars. And Melanie. And chairs. And beards! Look, a squirrel.
niqui: Get that man some Cheetos and Cartoon Network.
20:58 : Cecil B. DeMille Award : Martin Scorsese
Bingo: Leonardo DiCaprio issues a bold statement about the lasting impression Martin Scorsese has left on the art of film making. “As we look back in history there are those names that truly define their own medium. Picasso, DaVinci, Shakespeare, Beethoven to name a few.” DiCaprio states that history will place Martin Scorsese alongside those seminal artists. So many of my personal favorite films are Scorsese films, this is another moving tribute to a powerful and extraordinary artist. DiCaprio’s statement may be bold, that does not make it untrue.
21:14 : Bingo: Ricky Gervais dooms himself to never host another awards show ever with a fantastic, ad-libbed joke about the influence of conspicuous consumption in his introduction to the presenter for Best Director. “Honestly. I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man … is Mel Gibson.”
21:15 : Best Director (Film) : James Cameron (Avatar)
21:19 : Best Television Series (Comedy/Musical) : Glee (FOX)
Bingo: I’ve been quietly watching niqui cheering for Glee all night long. That effort is finally vindicated. I can think of no better song to usher the cast and crew onto the stage than Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'”. Don’t stop believing, niqui. Don’t stop believin’.
niqui: I am going to sing along with the entire soundtrack now just to celebrate.
21:26 : niqui: Mike Tyson. Because that’s who you think about introducing a comedy/musical award.
21:27 : Best Motion Picture (Comedy/Musical) : The Hangover
niqui: Blah Blah, I’m going to sing along with Glee now.
Smokes: Dear God. I promise I will be a good boy the rest of the weekend if you let Mickey Rourke give an acceptance speech for Realz! KTHXBAI!
niqui: Maybe Mickey could just pull a Kanye and run out there.
21:31 : Steph: Well, they’ve apparently decided Ricky Gervais isn’t actually allowed on stage.
21:35 : Best Actress in a Motion Picture (Drama) : Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Steph: That’s actually really shocking. I totally thought Gabby Sidibe had it. I actually don’t mind Sandra Bullock. She’s pretty level-headed for an actress.
21:40 : Best Actor in a Motion Picture (Musical/Comedy) : Robert Downey, Jr. (Sherlock Holmes)
Smokes: Robert Downey Jr.! Talk about someone who knows how to talk when he’s loaded!
Bitsy: I love me a good chaotic krazee man.
Steph: I do have to say that I think he was pretty hyped up — not just excited in the moment — but on a little antsy powder. That was a 5 minutes speech delivered in about 30 seconds.
21:46 : Best Actor in a Motion Picture (Drama) : Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)
Smokes: I was totally going to say that Bridges just went for some tongue down the throat action!
Bitsy: The Dude abides.
Steph: Why do you think these people drink so much at this awards ceremony? I mean, they do realize they might have to be on camera at some point, right?
Bingo: Once more our theory of when a speaker is played off and when he is left on the stage is validated. One more white Russian for the road.
21:55 : Best Motion Picture (Drama) : Avatar
Smokes: Hey look! That guy who directed Battle Beyond the Stars won an award! I wonder if he’s gonna yell “I’m King of Pandora, too!”
Steph: Yeah, it’s sort of slated to win the Oscar too. Innovative and all that.
niqui: Innovative, unless you saw Pocahontas.
22:01 : Steph: Poor Ricky Gervais. I was on his side. I think he did a great job, for the all of 18 minutes that they allowed him to be on stage. But, I think he’s probably going to get slaughtered in the reviews.
Bitsy: Well, imagine it being an award ceremony for any of our jobs. And they hired some guy to come in and tell us all we were totally full of ourselves. Now I get the populist appeal of that, but I can see where the people who do the work are kinda pissed they are finally at an awards ceremony they probably have dreamed of since they were poor kids is kinda pissed. It’s a classist thing. We hate them for being rich and celebrating that. I am of the opinion that anyone who reaches that level of success in whatever they do becomes egotistical and full of themselves. You need that level of extreme confidence and self-assuredness to think you are special enough to do things that big.